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That little stab of jealousy...

It happened last year. And it may happen this year.

I love this place. I love working here. I love the people here. And I want to stay here. Last year going back to CBU was so difficult. Especially after what I had just been though and was about to go through. So when I heard that one of my closest friends up here was going to be staying full time to work through the winter, you can imagine my jealousy. I was happy for her, but I was so jealous. I wanted to drop out of school and stay here too. But I knew that that path was to easy, and to stupid. I knew I would never be happy with myself if I quite school, if I never got the degree to do what I wanted, what I enjoyed. What God has called me to.

So I didn't stay. I did manage to come up a few more times during the year, especially considering my changed relationship status last November. I cannot wait for the day when I can actually call this place my home. If that day comes...

And now, once again, a year later I find another friend of mine on the verge of staying behind as full time. Am I jealous? Yes. But the desire to stay behind, to drop out of school, is less than last year. Perhaps this is because I now have real hope for the day to come when I will be able to live here, to start a life and a family here.

The hardest part is the waiting.

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