Not only did I get to network, but I was encouraged, enraged, challenged, and refreshed. The thing I kept hearing over and over again throughout the day was to get out of my comfort zone. Take a risk. Be willing to lose reputation, career, whatever it is, for the sake of these fellow humans being denied their most basic human rights. I'm still not sure what this looks like played out, but I do know I have been living in fear a lot recently. Afraid to step on toes. Afraid of needing to protect my license. My identity. And I'm realizing that while I don't need to be overly reckless, I need to stop living in fear. I need to step out and start making a difference.
Perhaps the most impactful part of the day was the film festival at the end. I almost didn't stay because I had such a long drive to get home, but I am SO glad I did. We saw two films: Crescendo, and Sing A Little Louder. Both brought me to tears. They aren't strictly pro life films, and I think everyone can enjoy them no matter what your opinion on the abortion debate.
After watching these films, the producer Jason Jones and one of the speakers from earlier, Bryan Kemper, were talking about how sad it is that not only are they still having to do this work, but that now their adult kids are having to take up the fight as well. Bryan made the comment that people will often ask him if he likes his job. He said, "Man, I hate my job! I cannot wait for the day my job doesn't need to exist anymore." And as I reflected on that, I thought about my job. All the little bodies I'd seen on the ultrasound screen. The hundreds of tiny heartbeats I'd watching flickering underneath my calipers. And the pictures I'd try not to look at when I knew they had become yet another victim of "choice." It was all I could do to hold back my sobs. The tears ran freely down my face as I thought of those people whose very existence was only know by me and a few others before it was snuffed out. And how much I hate that I have to be part of this. But how much I have no other choice.
But Bryan Kemper wasn't done making me feel all the things yet. Sing A Little Louder is set in Nazi Germany, and he was sharing about how he once toured Auschwitz. While there, among the gas showers and mass graves, he looked up and noticed a house in the distance, sitting up on a hill. And he said he thought to himself, "What would I have done, if I had lived in that house during that time?" And then the answer came to him.
"You DO live in that house."
Wow. I will never forget that moment, as long as I live. His words went straight to my core. These days its not uncommon to hear people talk about ICE and immigration issues while using that line: "If you've ever wondered what you would do if you had lived in Nazi Germany when they came for your neighbors, now's the time to find out!" And I do think that is true as well. But woah, to realize once again, to be broken once again, with the weight of the injustice and inhumanity being carried out daily against the weakest and most vulnerable members of our society. I'm honestly considering getting a tattoo now of a house on a hill. Just a small one, almost geometric in design. We'll see. Because I never want to forget the profoundness of that statement. You Live In That House.
So, where am I going from here? No idea. I'm going to reach out to a few other organizations and see what they have going on that I might be able to jump in with. I'd really like to start blogging and writing more, especially now that I have a computer again (yay!). I'd like to take NAFN to the next level, whatever that is, and start confronting the lies of the "Fake Clinics" crowed, though again I'm not sure how. I kept thinking this weekend "I need to do more. I'm not doing enough!" and while I know that I'm actually doing quite a lot just by showing up at work every Monday, I have a burning desire inside to do more. Every day, people are being stripped of their humanity, their dignity, and finally their very lives. I. must. do. more.
Because I live in that house.
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